Pick Myself Up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello friendsHope everyone is having a great MondayHope your week is productive and goals met
I'm having a pity party today. I didn't invite anyone to join meI can't define my feelings today, or any day to be honestThis morning when I woke up my body was already fightingwith me. I've felt bad since last Thursday but tried to push myselfforward. By Saturday I was in the ER receiving IV fluids and receivingthe same speech from my MD I hear all the time. I understand what isbeing said because I'm a nurse and have given the speech 100 times.Feels different when roles are reversed. 
I am fighting so hard not to get in a depressed place.Been there before and climbing out of the hole isn't easy.I have great support from family, friends and church familyThe devil wants to be a part of my journey. He wants to tearme down by getting in my mind and filling it with lies, fear,temptations and despair. I rebuke the devil and the work heis trying to do in my life. HE is working overtime today, he knowsI'm weak BUT my God is stronger than himI don't know what will happen during this "illness" journeyThe unknown is very scary, but I have to keep my eyes lookingupward. God knows my fears and anxiety because he made meI'm only human. Being afraid doesn't mean I don't trust or have faithGod knows where my heart is. 
Being able to post these emotions help a lot. I want to be asactive as I can in my life. My grandchildren seem to always knowwhen I need some extra "Annie" love. They don't know I may havecancer, I don't want them to know right now. All they know is Ihave rheumatoid arthritis which gets me down. A lot of my fearis leaving and missing out on important events in their lives. Funny how we don't think about these things until we are facedwith trials in life. 
I'm going to stay as active as I can in PSPThat is one thing that takes me awayI'll try to continue doing tutorials and I have other thoughtsrunning through my head.
TY for reading and I'm asking for a quick, shortprayer daily.